Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
smell my finger.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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