"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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