He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
