Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
