so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
