Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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