just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
