When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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