I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
