Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
