The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize