This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
