Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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