so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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