I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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