It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
