Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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