What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
