so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sober January is a disaster.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
