when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
