Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
