I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
