What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
