i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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