i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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