O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
