he shaved USA in his pubs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
