i permit you to call me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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