Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
