I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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