her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
