I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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