I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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