All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How does it feel to date your dad?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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