Can Purell be used as lube?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am naked and annoyed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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