I am spending my child support on dildos
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think a kid would responsible me up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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