Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
