is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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