can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
