Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
