You really coming over, don't trick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
