yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
