so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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