Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
