I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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