I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize