Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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