If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
