I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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