You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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