Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
