New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drunk is a universal language darling
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize