there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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