Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
