Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
