Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
