Just fell off a train. Bad.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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