just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
