I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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