I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
