I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
