This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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