I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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