Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
