tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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