actually, I'm a sock model
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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