My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
