you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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