Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
