We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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