Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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