so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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