This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
