I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
