He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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