drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
