You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
