We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
