im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
