Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
