there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
