and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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