My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
