..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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