what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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