Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
