How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
