i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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