pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
