Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
