i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
