If i come over, it means nothing
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
