My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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