my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
