Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
