i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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