i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
