someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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